My anticipation for the upcoming second season of Jersey Shore is absolutely teeming. There is nothing more crass, more trashy or more vain on television. And it’s only right it broadcast on a network that is crass, trashy and vain during the 23 hours of the day it wouldn’t be on the air, but just doesn’t do it as well.

With the season premiere imminent, I expect the press tour to be the equivalent of a juicehead puking up all his jagerbombs after going hard with his bros and grinding on 19-year-old jailbait at a club owned by some Persian cokehead. While this article doesn’t exactly accomplish that, it is nonetheless a start of what I hope will be amazing ridiculousness.

I stumbled upon a Snooki interview at The Daily Beast hosted by Meghan McCain, daughter of John. This is similar to being interviewed by Barbara Walters, except somewhere around 54 rungs down from being on ABC. The Beast is a decent agglomeration of the day’s news links and I was a fan of them when they had Christopher Buckley writing on a regular basis, but for a Columbia grad whose father ran for president she definitely…settled. McCain even admits in the interview her audience skews older, but you could at least be saying that while lending your family name to “20/20” or something.

Hmm.. maybe you could only be on CNN. Now I know why you just blog. source:

But I digress because Snooki, as always, is the star here. We learn she voted for McCain in 08, Miami is “more Spanish-oriented” and thus doesn’t contain a lot of guidos and that she only admires the best- like Kendra or Tori Spelling. I guess I was a little optimistic in holding out for a mention of Chelsea Handler. I mean, she’s on E. She at least has some talent.

Furthermore, she still refers to herself as a Guidette. My outrage over this is twofold. For one, if you’re actually Italian and want to make that word feminine it’d be Guida. And secondly, the world unearthed that she’s actually Chilean eons ago. Again, I must be asking too much.

But then this is only a glimpse of the awesome youthful insight of Nicole Polizzi. Other great quotes include…

On politics…

“I actually signed up as an independent, just because I don’t want to pick any side and also I don’t really know a lot about politics. I only know politics about, like, you know, tanning and being a Guidette.”

… So Independent, but a fiscal conservative

“You feel more sexy when you’re tan and I don’t understand why you would tax on that, because you’re making yourself feel more happy about yourself.”

On affirming her self-worth

“Celebrities know who we are. Celebrities are fans of us.”

On what “the biggest misconception” about her is

“I think the biggest misconception about me is people really don’t know who I really am.”

On her grander, more scholarly aspirations

“And I’d rather, to be honest with you, be doing that, talking to colleges, than going to these clubs for two hours and, you know, and just like, you know, dancing and being on a party scene.”

Finally, in a sign that she’ll be this batshit insane forever and coming to a saloon near you in a few years time

And no matter how old you are, just be yourself and don’t care what people think.”

This just affirms my belief this show should be more like “The Truman Show” and have a 24-hour feed dedicated to them, sponsored by Trojan. Read the full interview here.