In the footsteps of our earlier post about Justin Bieber failing to understand what German means, has confirmed a director for an impending biopic of the Biebs, slated to be released in 3D on Valentines Day weekend.

The project, with the complex title character being played by Bieber himself, will be helmed by John Chu. The prestigious director joins this project fresh off of “Step Up 2 the Streets” and “Step Up 3D” and back in his avant-garde days (2002) was cinematographer of a little something called “Killing Babies”. The latter part had nothing to do with his selection, though. Apparently it was adequate use of 3D cameras earlier in the year that got him in.

Justin Bieber is stone cold ghetto.

Chu, excited to direct Bieber’s “true underdog story”, intends to do so with “honesty and heart”. Let’s see here…

Using Bieber’s Wikipedia (yes we’ll call this a legit source), he was born to a single mother at 18 (good for a film producing standpoint). Yet He maintains contact with his father (bad). His mother worked a series of low-paying office jobs (mixed), while meanwhile her son taught himself to play four instruments (good, with exceptions). His cover of a Ne-Yo song was posted by his mom on Youtube in 2007 and after a series of these videos were posted he was discovered by the questionably named Scooter Braun (will be exploited for all its uniqueness). His mother was reluctant to release her son into Braun’s hands, reportedly wanting “a Christian man, a Christian label” but relented after encouragement from church elders (will be subdued beyond every inner layer of the Earth). This clearance led Biebs and his mom to Atlanta when he was 13, placing this roughly around 2007/8, where he was then signed by Usher and his life remains a blank spot until his incomprehensible success late last year. Amid this life story, footage of concerts from Nashville leading up to his August 31st show in Madison Square Garden will appear. But using this very limited biography of the Biebs, we can probably expect some details to be, um, embellished.

Admittedly, I’ve never seen any installments of the “Step Up” franchise, but directing an international pop star is quite a leap from directing guys who got turned away from the Jabbawockeez audition. In my opinion, this subject would be better off in the hands of the original director, Davis Guggenheim, the man who made Al Gore look good in “An Inconvenient Truth”. Granted, directing that ex-vice president direct your attention to graphs and animations in a simply designed auditorium is the flipside of directing an international pop star who is on the same career trajectory as Tiffany. But if I wanted to see Bieber play himself in his life story to his fullest potential, there is no one else I’d trust to motivate him more than Guggenheim. Or a brick.

Oh just damn it all. Happy weekend. Imma go listen to some music now..